1. Go for a walk and take your partner with you. Stretch your arm as far as you can in front of you. Try to stretch your arm even further after a few steps. Make your partner bark loudly. Say with a friendly voice the commands “shame” and “follow”. Then yell: “Stop barking and pulling”, try to ignore the public’s glances.
2. Buy some dog biscuits and bones. Mash the cookies on your car seats and the trunk. Throw the bones in your car. Go to the hairdresser and ask them if you’re allowed to take the hair on the floor with you. Scatter this in your car. Make with mud some prints on your seating. As finishing touch you have to make some scratches on the outside of your car. Well, perfect!
3. Cover all your clothes with dogs hair. With hair on your dark suites and dark hair on your light suites. Also make sure some hair is in your first cup of coffee that day.
4. Put a clot of chocolate pudding on your carpeting in the morning and do not clean it before you come home from work in the evening.
5. Set your alarm at midnight, go stand outside in the rain and say: “Come on, good puppy, go pee, well done!” Go back upstairs and put a heavy bag of potatoes on your duvet and try to get under it again. Set the alarm at five thirty and when you’re about to wake up hit yourself in your face with a wet sponge.
6. Pour some apple juice on several places on your carpeting. Then go walk on your carpeting barefoot at night.
7. Jump off the couch just before the end of your favourite TV show. Run to the door and yell: “No, No! You’re supposed to do that outside!” Make sure that you miss the end of the programme.
8. Prepare yourself to leave the house. Try to sneak out as quiet as possible. Walk till the half of your garden and then return. Try this again five minutes later. Go back again. Put on the radio and make calming sounds. Try again to leave the house. Go back and call your friends to ask them to come to you instead of the other way around.
9. If people come to visit, let them sit on the couch and begin barking at them. Throw a bag with 5 kilograms on them and rub a wet sponge in their face for several times.
10. Wear a sock with a big hole right where your toe is in it.
11. Run barefoot through the snow to close the gate.
12. Do a catching game with a wet tennis ball.
13. Work the paw of your dining table with a screwdriver, your puppy is going to chew on it eventually.
14. Clean your house. Throw a bucket with mud on your clean kitchen floor. Smear the rest of the mud on your kitchen cabinets, your fridge and the oven. Also make some muddy footsteps in the hall and on the carpeting in the living room. Stick your fingers in a flower pot and clean them with the wall. How do you think it looks now?
15. Leave your underwear on the living room floor when you get company. This will be the time and place you puppy choses to do this too.
16. Rise really early on your free Saturday morning and go to the dog school. Go stand in the rain for an hour.
17. Take a warm, soft blanked and snuggle wit hit on the couch. This is how it feels to have a sleeping puppy on your lap.
18. Still no mental breakdown? Go look for a pup then!

How do I photograph me puppy?

1. Put a new SD-card in your camera and make sure your camera is loaded.
2. Take the box of the SD card out of the mouth from your pup and throw it with the garbage.
3. Get your pup out of the garbage and brush the coffee off his nose.
4. Set your camera for shooting.
5. Find your puppy and take the dirty sock out of his mouth.
6. Place your pup on the right spot and take your camera.
7. Forget that spot and follow your puppy while you’re crawling on the floor.
8. Attract your puppy with a biscuit.
9. Take a wipe and remove the print of your puppy’s nose from the lens.
10. Try to interest your pup by holding a dogs toy above your head.
11. Reorder your glasses and find the camera under the couch.
12. Pour yourself a drink.
13. Go take a seat and sign up for obedience training with your pup.